Paranoid...

I am very nervous.  I worry all the time, ...although I don't voice it alot to those around me. I don't want to seem panicky or paranoid but there is not day that goes by that I don't wonder if everything is ok in there.  After everything we have been through, I think that subconsciously I am preparing myself for the worst.  I take my medication religiously and have taken every precaution for early pregnancy that I have read.  No sandwich meats, no hotdogs, no nail salons...nothing that is labeled as "possibly harmful in early pregnancy."  Ok, so maybe I am paranoid, but I have a good reason.

I know this is my last child and I really want to enjoy my pregnancy.  Maybe these feelings will get better after I pass the first trimester...but knowing me, probably not.  Maybe when I begin to feel kicks everyday and the baby has some sort of "schedule" that I can recognize I can chill out a bit.  Then again, I may not feel some sort of relief until after I am far enough along to know that the baby is at least big enough to survive outside of the womb.

I don't remember being as worried with my other 3 children.  Maybe it was because I was 10 years younger.  I suppose I have turned into a worry wart... parenting will do that to you.